For the mayonnaise you need:
100 ml soy milk
1 tbsp white balsamic vinegar
150-250 ml vegetable oil (neutral)
½ tsp mustard
Salt & Pepper

You also need:
180 g chickpeas (you can use canned chickpeas or, if you feel daring, soak dried chickpeas for 24 hours and cook them for an hour)
75 g noodles
Curcuma
Chives
Salt
Pepper

Start by cooking the noodles. In the meantime you can start making the mayonnaise: pour the soymilk into a narrow jar and add the balsamic vinegar. Blend, add the vegetable oil until the consistency gets thicker and mayonnaise-y. Season with mustard, salt and pepper. Taste. Start dancing happily around the kitchen if it’s good, repeat if not.

Don’t forget the noodles! Save them from burning and set them aside. Puree the chickpeas with a bit of curcuma. Puree or rather (if your blender is as crappy as mine) chop up the noodles and mix them with the chickpea puree. Add chopped chives and fold in the mayonnaise. Season with salt and pepper. If you feel like it, you can repeat the dancing part.

To raise the bar a little, you can use sulphuric salt instead of regular salt. Also you can think about what came first – the chicken or the egg? Or maybe neither because both are clearly made up entities that They want you to believe in, why else would you be making vegan eggsalad in the first place?

While cooking Sina was listening to Stevie Nicks – Stand Back. On repeat. She was also singing along.