created by Robin
Dear reader, it has been a while and we sure know you have missed us. We will not make excuses but tell you how it was: Many things have kept the *tba movie-squad from providing a brand-new review: writing essays, studying for exams and the first season of Good Omens. Only last week, we managed to pay a visit to the Savoy. Even though you go to fast for us, Crawley. Now, here it is: our Spider-Man review. Despite all Uni stress, we could not help but make your day with this piece of art littered with tiny spoilers and ‘schtronk’ language. Sounds good, aye?
Describe the movie in one sentence.
Hamiltrash99: The Peter Parker syndrome of killing father figures strikes yet again.
What did the title suggest to you?
jigglypuff420: The title suggested that Spider-Man would not spend the majority of the movie in Brooklyn, but in a place that is far away from his home. Turns out, I was right about that! It also suggests that Tom Holland is the lead actor in this movie, which, in all honesty, is the only thing I care about besides Zendaya’s involvement in the movie.
To what extent did the movie fit your expectations? Did it subvert or surpass them?
LocalGranny: Since my expectations were that the movie wouldn’t be exactly what high-brow critics like me would consider to be “good” or “a film that has a coherent story-line”, my expectations were met, nonetheless. This might make it sound as though I didn’t enjoy the movie, but that’s not true. I also expected it to be an overall fun experience with two hours on Tom Holland and Zendaya and luckily these expectations were also met.
Hamiltrash99: I expected a very strong focus on the events of Endgame. And from the very first second, this internet culture-y, comic sans tribute to the Avengers, set to “I Will Always Love You”, my expectations were met- but in a vastly different way. Personally, I was always #TeamTony, so -SPOILER- his death in Endgame did hurt. But the “let’s cope by humor” approach to all the drama of the last part made some of the worries that all future movies would be manly man-pain tributes to Endgame disappear. So really, even though one of the main themes in Far From Home was Peter coping with the loss of his father figure and Tony’s legacy, the focus was still on Peter’s journey and not “the MCU after Iron Man”. From the very first trailer I expected some Peter/Tony parallels (Tumblr freaked out over the glasses), and especially the scene in the jet/airplane/whatever with Peter building his suit in good-old Tony Stark fashion (complete with the *Back In Black playing*: “OH I love Led Zeppelin) was nicely executed and made complete sense in that very moment. Also, I loved the incorporation of the modified Avengers Theme into the soundtrack in that very. moment. My poor heart.
What kind of person would you recommend the movie to?
jigglypuff420: If you’re into Marvel movies (for whatever reason) you’ll probably enjoy it, and to those of you who are tired of typical Superhero narratives like Captain America or the first two Thor movies, which are serious and kind of boring, this might also be a fun movie for you. I like that the Spiderman Movies have enough comic relief scenes and characters without dragging it down into the absurd.
What escalated very quickly?
jigglypuff420: The intense psychopath vibes Jake Gyllenhaal gives off. Something about him in interviews and also in this movie just triggers my flight instinct. But maybe I’m just jealous because he is friends with Tom Holland. (Editor’s note: “Every hair on his head? I put it there.”)
LocalGranny: My friend Robin’s dislike for Jake Gyllenhaal.
If Spider-Man: Far From Home was a family member, which one would it be, and would you invite them to your second wedding?
LocalGranny: I’m sorry… what? My second wedding? When did that happen? General confusion over this question aside, I imagine that Spiderman: Far From Home would be one of the hyperactive, overly-excited younger cousins that would somehow end up causing a lot of chaos. As for inviting them to my wedding, since I already have no clue what’s going on and when I even got married for the first time… why not? Sounds like it would make for a fun experience? (I know that this paragraph contains a lot of question marks; this is due to the fact that I live my life in a constant state of uncertainty)
If the movie was a product, which one would it be, where could you buy it and what would you use it for?
LocalGranny: Have you heard of crack?
Hamiltrash99: One of those cute little presents that look all nice and peaceful until BAM this clown puppet bursts out of them, only less creepy. Except that I hate those things and I would not look for them, I would not use it, make it go away. So, something else that is nice until there’s a shock-moment, but something that I actually like and would watch again.
Did you cry on a scale of 0 to 10 (0= SHARKNADO, 10= Hatchi: A dog’s tale)
Hamiltrash99: I did not cry this time (yay me) but it’s not like the movie didn’t try to make me. The humour as well as the well-placed sentimentality of the movie created a rollercoaster of emotions and, in effect, a fairly light-hearted movie that lets you go home and continue your life without having to waste any time on self-reflection about which characters you, after all these years, really didn’t care about. So, the movie was entertaining, some bittersweet Tony Stark parallels but nothing too emotional. But the post- credit scene… oh boy. I’m extending this question to be about emotional depth in general just to talk about that scene. Now that I think about it, the entire theme of legacy and how people influence our actions even when they’re dead (“Even Dead I’m The Hero”), was brought to its conclusion in that scene. Even though he dies, Mysterio still has the power (through his minions, don’t make me remember his name) to ABSOLUTELY F*** UP Peter’s life and bring about everything he was afraid of. So my personal emotional focus lies on F**** YOU MYSTERIO YOU LEAVE MY SON ALONE! (Editor’s note: Language.)
Would you watch the movie again?
Hamiltrash99: I most definitely would. As has been established in previous reviews, My Son Peter Parker deserves everything that is good, and screen time is good. Even despite the lamest villain origin story ever, Mysterio/Quentin Beck was an interesting and charismatic antagonist, with some well-executed similarities to Tony Stark’s charisma. I found the change to make Mysterio’s powers of illusion be high-tech instead of magic to be very engaging and, after two years of battling space aliens for sparkling stones, a much- needed shift to a more realistic antagonist.
LocalGranny: Yes, but preferably I’d be drunk for that. (No, jokes aside, I’m not that keen to rewatch it right away, but I probably will at some point; mainly because I’m quite fond of some of the characters. If I feel like watching something fun and comforting, where I don’t need to pay that much attention, this movie is pretty far up on my list.)
What lesson did the movie teach you?
jigglypuff420: Teen romance can be cute if it involves Tom Holland and Zendaya acting as fictional characters! Don’t trust Jake Gyllenhaal! And if you fade out of existence and return five years later, that may result in weird tensions with the people that live in your former home. And if you fade out of existence for five years, it’s best if most of the other prominent characters in your movie, like your best friend and your love interest, and the girl who is part of the school news report team were gone too.
When you finished watching the movie, did you feel good about how you have spent the last two hours?
jigglypuff420: Yes, I did indeed. The 3D stuff was a bit annoying, but I was entertained by the movie and I l enjoyed seeing Tom Holland and Zendaya on screen, did I mention them before? I really like them! (if either of them reads this: Call me! Please! I want to be friends with you!)
All good things must come to an end. This review too. We hope you could enjoy our witty comments and subtle criticism, even though you only clicked on the review by accident. That is fine with us. For sure.
Yours sincerely and emphatically,
the *tba Movie-Squad