does it matter?

I asked myself

and I said no

not because I didn’t believe it mattered

but because I realized that

just because it isn’t right

it doesn’t need to be wrong

but I lied

didn’t I

I made it easier for us

that’s what I keep telling myself

and yet you keep showing up in moments that I least expect it

pushing and pulling we pass the time

forever wondering how two souls

so unlike each other meet

and yet cannot help but intertwine

their minds

around you

gravity demands a force of self-control

that I display

but fragments of my self

get entangled in your orbit

I’m looking for salvation

instead my body clings onto

your ways of seeing the world

talking

you paint a picture

and every stroke of your brush

feels like electricity that runs

through my bones

in multicolour

you’re an artist

and so am I

and so we’re colliding on our race to find ourselves

over and over again

until we’re dependent on each other’s independence

yet fear freedom ourselves

but sometimes it’s just not right

even if it’s not wrong

I look at your picture

and see the spots where you

stopped for a moment

of hesitation

of re-evaluation

in the process of creation

I live in that moment

of reflection

of introspection

so keep my love for you

in this space of past and future

but I move on

from canvas to page

to embodied self

without you dictating my shape anymore

-Maria

Maria was listening to “Minimum” by Charlie Cunningham while writing this poem.