does it matter?
I asked myself
and I said no
not because I didn’t believe it mattered
but because I realized that
just because it isn’t right
it doesn’t need to be wrong
but I lied
didn’t I
I made it easier for us
that’s what I keep telling myself
and yet you keep showing up in moments that I least expect it
pushing and pulling we pass the time
forever wondering how two souls
so unlike each other meet
and yet cannot help but intertwine
their minds
around you
gravity demands a force of self-control
that I display
but fragments of my self
get entangled in your orbit
I’m looking for salvation
instead my body clings onto
your ways of seeing the world
talking
you paint a picture
and every stroke of your brush
feels like electricity that runs
through my bones
in multicolour
you’re an artist
and so am I
and so we’re colliding on our race to find ourselves
over and over again
until we’re dependent on each other’s independence
yet fear freedom ourselves
but sometimes it’s just not right
even if it’s not wrong
I look at your picture
and see the spots where you
stopped for a moment
of hesitation
of re-evaluation
in the process of creation
I live in that moment
of reflection
of introspection
so keep my love for you
in this space of past and future
but I move on
from canvas to page
to embodied self
without you dictating my shape anymore
-Maria
Maria was listening to “Minimum” by Charlie Cunningham while writing this poem.