Some people have a problem for every solution
and once I was one of those people.
I was walking around criticizing and complaining
about things, about feelings, about others, but mostly about myself.
I was blind back then,
blind to the light at the end of the tunnel, I was walking with heavy feet,
took one step forward and two steps back.
I focused on the things I messed up, on the names I´ve been called
I had in mind all the kids that didn´t know better
that pointed their fingers at me and laughed
that made me feel to be worth nothing and to be a failure
They talked behind my back, but I uncovered their hypocrisy
I wore my head down for most of the days.
I dreamed of help but never said a word.
I didn´t want to be burden for anyone I loved.
For my little soul back then it caused so many bruises
and I wish I knew that everything would change.
It took a lot of tumbling and getting up again
but the change came eventually
It weren´t the others who changed, not the bully who became the victim,
Not the mindset of society
No, there was no anagnorisis for the majority, but for myself
One day, in the middle of this tunnel that I was in,
I found a rose, the most beautiful one I ever saw.
And it made me realize
I shouldn´t let them cut away my thorns in order to deem me a better rose.
See as people we try to please one another.
We always want to be worthy,
want to be pretty enough, kind enough, smart enough, talented enough
I wanted to make everyone happy, and didn´t think of myself
I wore a smile when I wanted to cry.
But after one night of silent screams and tears rolling down my cheeks,
I realized that no one else but me could help.
Me, me, me. Not the others.
I decided to grow from this fragile branch to a big tree,
which was more than ready to drop the dead leaves and just waited for spring
and suddenly there appeared a little shimmer at the end of this dark tunnel
my feet became lighter and I started to run.
My boots are made for running and I was sick of running around in circles.
I had an aim that I pursued. It was hard and I went flying a lot.
But I learned to love the sound of my feet walking away,
Away from things that weren´t meant for me and did me harm
I finally allowed myself to transform, and I like who I´m becoming
I destroyed what tried to destroy me,
I caught this last glimpse of hope and decided to not let go, ever.
It surely did shock a couple of those
who once chose to laugh and to blame their insecurities on others.
They were surprised to see a smile
on a face they had never looked at properly.
Never seen the strength hidden in those eyes of mine.
But the time of hiding was over.
Once I stepped out of the tunnel and felt the sun tickling my skin
this was the first time being me, being honest to myself.
I changed because I wanted to
I was on a low and I took my time, I felt like I was out of my mind
But now I took my first breath that didn´t feel like I was under water.
It can be hard, so damn hard, but it is worth to fight,
fight for yourself, be brave.
I moved until my legs nearly gave out,
I was tired of hiding in benefit of my peers
I didn´t want to cry anymore. Didn´t want those toxic thoughts in my head.
I wanted to feel again, I wanted to love
And I don´t mean I longed for a lover, I just wanted to love myself.
And I now know that I deserve to reside in thoughts of beauty and empowerment.
And so do you!