Yesterday I watched a video by Daysha Edewi in which she recited her spoken word poem ‘I am Not That Girl’, which dealt with the fact that she, unlike other girls, never felt she fit, that she felt incapable of fulfilling socities’ expectations on her as a woman, and how in the end she found out for herself, that it is absolutely okay not to be like society wants you to be, but to be you and to feel good about it.
I could relate, and so I wanted to share my story, too, however, I was slightly uncomfortable with the term ‘that girl’. I know it’s supposed to stand for the expectations girls have to face in society, but it can come off differently, too:
Although I am absolutely sure this was not intended by the author, it has the potential to other those girls, who fit her description, who, seemingly, have a very easy life. So for my poem I chose to use the term ‘like that’ as opposed to ‘that girl’.
I was never like that.
I seldomly wore dresses, if at all.
I created cities and channels out of mud until I was thirteen.
For that, and for the fact that I never wore overly ‘girly’ clothes,
you scorned me.
But when, once, I chose to wear a denim mini skirt to school
you told me I looked ‘slutty’.
I was fourteen.
I was never like that.
I did not feel like I had to shave my armpits. Or my legs.
The hair didn’t bother me.
But you pressured me into doing it,
openly laughing at me
telling me ‘That’s gross! Girls don’t have hair,
except on their heads.’
I was never like that.
I did not have a flock of admirers following me everywhere.
I thought this lack of male attention
defined me,
as though being wanted by a man,
is what defines a woman.
The sole purpose,
of her existence.
I was never like that.
I had and have opinions,
and I express them.
I do not care if you find this repulsive or unattractive,
I find you repulsive for not wanting me to have opinions,
because I am a girl.
I was never like that.
I do not exist to please you.
I like to read and write and be loud,
to make jokes and have fun,
and poke fun at you.
I am strong and smart and independent.
This is who I am,
I have always been like that.
And fortunately, now I know
that this does not mean that there is anything wrong with me,
but that there is something wrong with you,
for not wanting me to be who I am.
A powerful woman.
Sara listened to ‘Rock-Paper-Scissors’ by Katzenjammer while writing this article.
