SoM (Capricorn): Carry around earplugs.
Aries: You might want to stay indoors on New Year’s Eve.
Taurus: Your friends reveal their true faces. All six of them.
Gemini: Asphyxiation by chocolate and/or treacle is highly probable on Christmas Day.
Cancer: Every electronic device you own stops working for the remainder of the month.
Leo: The fog awaits.
Virgo: Watch out for the disembodied hand hiding under your pillow.
Libra: Your supplies dwindled at an alarming rate. You’re stuck in the darkness, cold, surrounded by the remains of those closest to you. Look at you now, you’re a wendigo.
Scorpio: Remember to open the doors on your advent calender on time- you don’t want them to get angry.
Sagittarius: You’re forever imprinted on the event horizon of the black hole at the center of a faraway galaxy.
Aquarius: You can only speak in Pitbull lyrics. Dale!
Pisces: The temperature surrounding you falls abruptly mid-December. It falls and falls and falls…
by Britta Stuhl and Camila Otálora, inspired by the late-November fog, were listening to Herbert Grönemeyer‘s Greatest Hits