Sign of the month – Libra: Your deepest, darkest secrets come to light- despite your best efforts, being shunned by the people closest to you is inevitable. Additionally, tentacles will sprout from unexpected places on your body.

Aries: Utmost care must be taken when dealing with new acquaintances: one wrong step, and you could find yourself immersed in a bathtub full of ice, one or two vital organs poorer. Your lucky number is the 28.

Taurus: This month brings you great joys, including a brand-new pair of leathery wings and a shiny third eye.

Gemini: Expect your cats to develop prehensile tails and intelligible speech.

Cancer: A stranger may appear in your home unannounced. He remains unseen and unheard. You may, however, have a constant feeling of being watched at all times.

Leo: This month ends in tragedy.

Virgo: New friendships are forged before the month ends. Hopefully being friends with a scorpion that’s permanently on fire works out without any major inconveniences.

Scorpio: You need to wake up. Wake up. Now!

Sagittarius: This month, you’re completely safe from everything that could ever harm you. Nothing can get to you. No food, no sunlight, no air.

Capricorn: If you live with a Cancer, be wary of invisible forces that follow your flatmate around all day.

Aquarius: Careful with falling for the stars. They might consume you with an anticlimactic ‘blub’, then spit you back out into the universe. The dark, silent, airless universe.

Pisces: Ever wanted to be someone else? Look around you, look into a mirror- you already are. Who are you?

by Britta Stuhl and Camila Otálora, with a little help from the stars